It’s a personal journey for me and you get to go along for the ride. In ministry, there are often problems or issues that arise. The church is the one place in the world where any issue can become personal and emotional. At some level, that seems to be a good thing that Believers are passionate about the issue of faith in their life. But, as I deal with people from time to time, I ask myself this question: Was this confronted to be redemptive or vindictive? Recently a friend of mine shared a problem with a situation that arose in the ministry. Knowing him and the way that he handled the situation, I knew that he was attempting to be redemptive. However, often times I don’t know the person, their character or have any experience with them.
So, how can you know if you someone is being redemptive or vindictive?
If you are being REDEMPTIVE:
- You approach the situation with humility.
- You don’t tell other people about what happened (i.e., You don’t gossip).
- You are working for a reasonable solution for everyone involved.
- You can admit that you may have been wrong.
- You realize the situation probably was not a personal attack against you.
- You are willing to compromise, truly “agree to disagree,” or attempt to value the other person’s point-of-view.
If you are being VINDICTIVE:
- You confront the situation with anger.
- You believe the situation is unresolvable from the beginning.
- You are working to “win”, not to see the “right” outcome.
- You tell everyone you know about the situation that happened without every telling the person involved.
Remember, this goes for those in ministry or those who are a part of a ministry. Some people in ministry are just as passive-aggressive as the people they lead. How about we live these thoughts:
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 NIV
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3 NIV
Anything I left off the lists that you would put in?
Man this is so true, with all the struggles I have dealt with in my personal life I have learned to handle MOST situations in a redemptive fashion. =-)
However I would love some insight on how to deal wtih someone coming from the vindictive point of view. I realize that when you have hurt someone or caused someone to become bitter, this is the response/point of view they tend to come from.
Now even though I understand this, I have yet to master how to maintain a redemptive manner until the end or some resolution. In my experience I have heard that someone can’t trust you at this point and why should they believe you?
It is extremely hard to realize you are wrong and try to resolve the issue with humility when dealing with this type of attitude. Eventually someone out to return the hurt can/will hurt you and sometimes turning the other cheek is very much easier said than done.
@Greg – Good points. I need to think about how to handle a vindictive person. My initial thought is that God has to handle it for us, but that sounds way to churchy!
I hear ya, and to be honest, most of my experiences with this are family related. Either my own family or wife, but I also see it alot with my wife and her family. I just wish I knew how to help her deal with them sometimes.
It’s always so much easier to hurt those we are close to…man that is so wrong, but so true.